Friday, February 18, 2011

When Two Debts Become One

When we got married we had different ideas about what we were going to do with our money; ideas that we did not communicate well.  We had different thoughts on spending, different thoughts on saving and different thoughts on who got to do what with it.  We began tracking our money, noting how much was spent throughout the month.  Surprisingly, this showed us that at the end of every month we had spent more than we made.

We lived in an apartment after we got married.  One day we were bored and decided we would look at houses, because eventually we would want to purchase one.  To say that we did not thoroughly plan the purchase of a house is an understatement.  We didn't think about it.  At the end of that day, we were the owners of a 5 bedroom, 3 1/2 bathroom, and 3000 square foot house - for two people.  We moved into this large house with our leftover college fixtures and began upgrading our furniture in order to have stuff that belonged in this house.  But no matter how much stuff we bought to fill the house, it just became emptier and emptier.

We knew how much money we were spending, where it was going, and how much debt we were accumulating.  In spite of that we operated under the assumption that we could take care of it whenever we wanted to.  The next raise, promotion or tax refund would make it all better.  We gave to the church we attended, and Kevin gave money to different causes and helped people when he could because he wanted to be seen as a good guy, a nice guy, and that maybe he was a little better off they they were.  We changed cars every couple of years, trying to get something better.  We brought our daughter into our fully furnished, emotionally and spiritually empty house filled with anger, resentment, and talk of divorce.  And in that season, God met us.  He intervened in a way that would change our lives and our finances.

We were "church shopping" one day and decided to try this church that was located, at that time, in a renovated batting cage arena.  Kevin had been listening to their radio broadcast on his way to work for about a year.  We liked it well enough, but thought we would try some other churches.  Oddly enough, we never did.  Most weekends we would end up back there.  About eight months later, Kevin made the best decision of his life and turned over his life to the Author of Life.  Kevin was seeing that his plans were not working.  His all-about-me life was crumbling all around him and he needed help.  His anger and entitlement weren't fixing anything.  So, he gave it all over in an instant.  In that moment he was changed.  He did not realize it at first but his thoughts were more about me, our daughter, and others around him.

About four months after that we sold our big house and the fancy car.  We used the proceeds from that to pay off our debt, completely. We moved into a townhouse that was about half the size of the house we were living in.  Throughout the summer I began examining my relationship with Jesus and a few days after we moved, I gave my life to Christ as well.

So, we were new creations, living debt free and our marriage was being restored.  One problem though is that we did not change our lifestyle.  Our thoughts about money had not changed much and after 2 1/2 years we found ourselves right back where we were...  in debt, no plans and no real budget.  And we came to the point where we'd had enough.  God had made us into new people and had implanted stewardship on our hearts.  It was time to put practical pieces in place so that we weren't just living with financial freedom, but that we would begin to experience financial peace.  We now operate on an envelope system.  We are getting out of debt.  We are practicing good financial principles and we are teaching these principles to others, including our daughter. 

Experience is a good teacher, but it doesn't have to be just your experience that you learn from.  That is why we are sharing our story and why we have started this blog.  We believe that other people can learn from our mistakes, and maybe even some of our successes.  We are also hopeful that we can share enough information for people to become transformed and begin to experience life financially free.

~Alesha

Friday, February 11, 2011

Hi. My name is...

Have you seen the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic?  That was me.  I was a Rebecca Bloomwood.  I love to shop.  I always enjoyed clothes, shoes, getting a new purse or perfume, and department store makeup.  My mom, sister and I would go shopping most weekends when I was in high school.  There was never a sense of over-spending as we always knew how much money we had.  It was one of our favorite past-times.  And, whenever I was bored, I would go to the mall.

I graduated from college with a degree in accounting and went straight into public accounting.  During my first tax season, I began working long hours in a stressful environment.  When I would leave work Saturday afternoon, I would go straight to the mall and stay for hours.  I had been stressed out and I needed a way to relieve that stress.  I even justified my purchases thinking that at least I wasn't one of those people who was relieving stress at a bar.  I was doing something better because I was going to a better place.  But, an addiction is an addiction.  I was justifying my purchases and I was entitled to what I bought.

As I continued to encounter stressful week after week, last Saturday's trip to the mall no longer filled me up and I had to go back.  I believed I deserved a new purchase and each new purchase became more expensive.  I was no longer content with purchasing a new outfit from WalMart. I had to purchase something from New York and Company, or The Limited, or Ann Taylor, or the new designer purse from Macy's.  I remember one weekend telling Kevin that I had to go to the mall to be in my "element."  I was having withdrawal.  But in the end all I had was a closet full of nice clothes, nice shoes, and more purses than any one person should ever own.  The void I was attempting to fill stayed empty.

~Alesha

Sunday, February 6, 2011

But They Have Comic Books...

What was your childhood like? Often we go back to the earliest part of our life to figure out why we are the way we are. Growing up my family didn’t do too many things. I didn’t know what a vacation was because we never took one. I didn’t know what a mall was because we never went. And I didn’t miss any of that stuff.  We never talked about money, how much we had or didn’t have, what it got spent on, how to manage it, track it, etc.

As I got older though, I got to see what other people had. Most of my friends had the appearance of being better off, stuff-wise, than I was. They had video games and comic books, better clothes, more clothes, better toys, more toys. And I wanted at least a semblance of what they had. Early on as a teenager I began to get an allowance for doing chores around the house. You couldn’t buy much with that though, so I began to take money from my dad’s wallet for the things I wanted, the things my friends had. 

Once I was old enough to have a job I worked every moment I wasn’t in school. I didn’t really know why I did that other than to get money. I didn’t have a plan for what I was going to do with it. I just knew that whatever I wanted to do, I would need money for it. I began to become self sufficient in terms of acquiring and maintaining my stuff. However, I totally ignored responsibility for the stuff I thought my parents owed me. The things I thought I deserved. 

As I got older, through college, and when I started my first job the belief that I deserved some stuff, that I was entitled to things, began to grow.  My first paycheck was the most money I had made at any one time. In fact, I made in two weeks what I took me a whole summer to make when I was in school. With that amount of money I felt like there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do or anything that I couldn’t have. So in the span of about 2 months I had accumulated and surpassed the standard of living it had taken my parents 30 years to acquire. The problem is in order to do that, I had to go and get some debt. And this was debt that I owed to companies, banks, not to my parents or people I knew. And they wanted their money. So I had to pay them and try to maintain what I just created for myself, which meant I had to get some more debt. I didn’t know what I was spending. I didn’t know where the money went or how much I had. I made decisions based on if I felt I had the money for it or if I just wanted it badly enough. I bought a new car. I bought a house. Not with any kind of planning, just decided one day I wanted one. And then came the time when I was going to marry this girl I had been dating…
 
~Kevin

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Our Stories

The next 3 posts that we are going to publish will show you our financial story.  You will see Kevin's story, my story, and then how our stories came together.  I'll be honest with you...  it's not a pretty story.  It's quite ugly.  But that is why we want to share it.  We don't want other people to live in the same crap that we put ourselves through.  God does amazing, redeeming work and, though we have some cleaning up to do, He has put our feet on the path that will keep us in financial freedom and more open to the blessings that He wants to pour through our lives.

Enjoy!

~Alesha