Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Better Than I Deserve

A few years ago I had decided to quit my job. It was a fine job in many ways. It was flexible. The pay was good. But something I hadn't expected began to happen. As Thursday became Friday I would become more upbeat and begin to enjoy things. As Saturday became Sunday I sounded more like Droopy the Dog than myself. My goal was to get to the weekend. Every year I achieved my goal 52 times. But it never lasted. This wore on me and my family. I was dissatisfied. So after some thought, discussion with my wife, and lots of prayer, I gave six months notice. In June of that year, I was done. No job. And it felt great. At first.

I had a plan. I wasn't going to sit around and do nothing, of course. Over time things started to undermine my plan though, and I began to wander aimlessly from day to day. Six months in I started missing my goals to have some things done.  My confidence began to fall apart and I didn't know how to get it back. I was failing. This may sound conceited, but this was new to me. In the realm of tasks and the "doing of stuff," I had never failed before. Why was this different?Then it hit me. I had defined myself by my job, my accomplishments, by what I could do, and I didn't know how to live apart from that. Who was I? I would spend the next several months figuring that out. 

It had been eight months since I had an income and Alesha's business was a sporadic income generator at best. So I needed to make some money. Through some friends I got connected with a small business owner who needed some help. But it wasn't what I had in mind. I had managed multi-year, multi-million dollar projects that were responsible for accounting for billions of dollars annually. I had spent four years in college and had a double major in business and computer science and a minor in economics. I had led multi-national teams. And yet there I was, picking up trash in a parking lot, watching the sun come up. Painting someone else's house, feeling the breeze on my face. Shoveling mulch, laughing with people I barely knew. I started helping Alesha with her business. I put a roof on a house and set up a bookkeeping system for a friend. I spent time with my daughter and sought counsel from those who were in front of me spiritually. We figured out how to live on 25% of what I had been making. We even took a vacation, the first in eight years. Eventually, slowly, I got back into the swing of a regular job and haven't looked back. 

There are lots of things I still can't explain or haven't figured out yet, but I'm taking the time to work on it. Getting ahead is no longer the ultimate goal, being known is. I want my wife to know me, and vice versa. I want my daughter to know me, and vice versa. Most importantly I want to know Jesus better because in the end I'll know me better.

I was more intent on improving my financial situation and accumulating bigger and better "stuff" than on improving my relationships. I'm all for, and promote, sound financial practices. But it's not the be-all end-all. When we come to the end of our days, the only thing we'll be interested in is our relationships, not our stuff. Why wait till then to regret what you didn't do when you can do something about it now?

Move up the ladder? Sure. Grow your portfolio and become wealthy? All for it. But not at the expense of what's really important. How are your priorities?
-Kevin